The Willpower Conundrum
I’ve been dancing around a certain topics that deal with the use of willpower. Those topics primarily deal with productive healthy living and accomplishing goals. I’ve talked about meta skills such as meditation. I’ve reviewed a bunch of inspiring apps (Headspace, Calm, Duolingo). Many topics found in books have been covered that have been integral in my development (The Artist’s Way, Awaken the Giant Within, Tools of Titans, Ego is the Enemy…to name a few). All these things and many more are topics that make up what I do. They weave together into a system I’ve created for myself.
I take what is good and incorporate it. I read more and apply more. If I find the same material, (and many of these kinds of books regurgitate the same ideas) great it’s reinforcing good stuff. If I find original information, awesome.
The System
The system I have for myself is comprehensive for mind and body. It builds me up in continuous personal growth. It continually evolves. I want to learn as much as I can and hopefully do a few things really well. I should say that first and foremost I do it for me. It ends up on the site, but I do it for me. This is my personal way of holding me accountable. I need to practice what I preach.
At some point I’ll go into how I got here (that is to say how despite continually succeeding professionally I was still managing to royally screw up my personal life). I started to wonder if happiness was real and why it felt like I was going in circles. From an outside perspective, I seemed like I was doing great. This is a story for another time though. Perhaps I’ll get someone to do an origin story graphic novel for the Super Geek (It would work too considering I’m pretty cliché comic book material running a tech company by day…).
I am doing great now though. I’m outputting more than ever before. I exercise almost every day. I write every day. Meditate every day. Play instruments regularly. I run this site and do experiments for it. I read and learn every day. Practicing compassion every day and stating what I am thankful for is regular practice. All of this on top of the fact that I am a father of two whom I have a lot of the time, and have a full time job running an organization that typically requires long hours (I’m working on that).
This is not to brag. I’m here to tell you that it is very hard. The thing I’m trying to get across is complex. The number one question I get is simply put, “But how do I do I ABC with all my XYZ?”
Well first off I’ve written many articles on strategies for accomplishing or working towards goals. I’ve written plenty on where to get started for learning resources.
WANT to vs HAVE to.
After you plan and create a burning desire to do something it is a question of willpower. This is a hard thing to impress. It is also where most people fail. You see, you have to understand that I don’t WANT to do those things all the time. Sometimes I do. This goes back to how waiting for inspiration is a mistake. I know though that I HAVE to do those things every day if I ever hope to get where I want to go. I write in my journal each day at least once, “Work your steps.” Specific times are scheduled for many of those tasks and I make them inviolable. In this way I actually still have more time than you might think.
I do this almost the same way that an alcoholic has to in order to aid in recovery. This is my recovery. This is my personal development.
Until you turn your WANT TO into HAVE TO you WON’T.
People have a problem with this, especially for long term goals. We live in a now now now society. Overnight availability is there. So much is on demand. To set out to do something that has no instant gratification is hard. Getting in shape is hard. It takes years for some people to lose the weight that they want to and that is daunting. It takes years to grind out that book you want to write.
“Oh man? It’s going to take longer than two weeks? Forget it then…”
Inherent Troubles
So the troubling thing is how do you get someone to create steps. How do you get someone to schedule their own tasks? How do they make these tasks inviolable in their own mind? Let’s assume that they’ve made a plan. The goals are sound, the passion AND purpose is there. They’ve scheduled time for these things. How do they do it each day after a long day at work? After putting the kids to bed? They must be tired from time to time. It would be very easy to just crack a cold one and watch a funny show. This would be instant gratification. It would be easier. The goal they have is going to take so long to complete. The odds of success are low. So why do it?
First off there is nothing wrong with instant gratification, funny shows, cracking a cold one, or eating a big plate of cake. The thing is it should be given a specific place just like everything else. You designate one or two nights a week or you choose a certain amount of time per week you’re willing to throw in the garbage.
I said throw in the garbage because that’s exactly what it is. If you come home from work and are unsatisfied. If you wish you could learn X, Y, or Z and don’t. Or if you have the desire to pursue some artistic endeavor but don’t. If you do these things and don’t start working toward something, you have given up your right to complain.
Even if you have no plan, you could choose to set aside 10 minutes to research steps so you can develop a plan.
Current State Vs. Desired State
You see I have friends that ask me these questions. They spend so much time complaining about their current state. However they don’t ever move towards their end goal.
To me this indicates that they are actually okay with their current state of things. The current state is not painful enough to force them to move away. The desired state must not be desirable enough to move toward. They are stuck in limbo.
I do feel bad for them. I’m not making fun. They will still complain even after reading this (if they do). The point is that once your steps are identified it is up to you to do it. It is pure internal motivation. The only complaint that should arise is the one that spawned the plan in the first place. You’ll find that you’ll have less reason to complain as well once you’ve committed fully to your steps.
Understand that this is a difficult problem to tackle from a philosophical perspective.
The core question is how does one make themselves do anything?
I don’t have an answer or rather a strategy that can make anyone do anything. No one is pointing a gun at you or your family to spur you to do these things.
Willpower Is The Way
If only there was some way for you to trick yourself into this willpower and make it essential. It’s odd to me that despite so many people having dislike for their jobs they still manage to get there every day and do it. Some people are more reliable than others day to day but for the most part follow suit. The reason that people do this it that they have to so that they can survive (pay bills, feed themselves, etc.).
I truly believe that a person’s capacity to apply this kind of necessity to things that to the outside observer aren’t are what gauges that person’s ability to succeed and grow; The little voice that keep people growing and striving even after they’ve arrived in a place of comfort. If a person can treat exercise, learning, creating, working, or anything that might be necessary for an extracurricular goal with that level of necessity than they will make it one way or another.
The fact of the matter is that if you are doing it right, internally you have processed these things as your true path and don’t even regard them as EXTRAcurricular. They just are. They are as necessary as your job, maybe more so.
I do know that if you don’t make a plan. If you don’t find something you like to do. If you submit to the grind and you aren’t satisfied by it time goes by at a scary pace. Don’t be scared. Sure you might fail. This is okay. You could fail doing what you are doing already. At least fail at what you want to do.
Time Flies
Just know that years fly by and no one can MAKE you change anything. Coming home, complaining, cracking open a cold one, living through the all too short weekend just to do it again. Before you know it 20 years of this has gone by. No doubt luck happens but you can’t count on it. For this reason you have to make your own luck by working your own steps every day. This creates the environment where luck, synchronicity, serendipity (whatever you want to call it) happens.
You can’t let your excuses get you either. Of course you can list out the ten thousand reasons why you can’t do something. Go ahead and write them down in fact. Then when you’re done throw the list in the trash. With a fresh mind come at the problem from a different angle. If you HAD to accomplish your goal given all the excuses how could you? What if you HAD to do it in five years given all of the excuses how could you? What about one year?
This is not optimists speak either. This is cold hard truth. You have to make the plan. Above all, you have to have the willpower to push through. You have to make it necessary. If you don’t then you have no one to blame but yourself. No amount of motivational speaking can do this. The thing about those excuses is that so many of them will point at external factors. Some will be from other people. Some will be for things out of your control. Whatever they are though, you must take ownership of your situation.
Sure a freak accident may place you in an unsavory situation. The second you regain control though the ball is back in your court. You have the power and choice to move back in the direction that you wish. If you decide to stay where the wind blew you than it is your fault despite whatever happened to put you there in the first place.
Finally, I implore you to find out what you want and go get it. This doesn’t mean fame. It doesn’t mean being rich. This means finding something personally satisfying and purposeful. It can be small. Get out there. Nike it and just do it.
